I’m a rather busy person, so scheduling has become a necessary part of my life, even things that shouldn’t need to be scheduled. For various reasons, I stopped being tied up for quite some time, and even when I felt the urge to be tied up becoming almost desperate, I didn’t find time for it. I didn’t realize how important it was to me before I started to feel really ill from the lack of it, falling into some kind of depression. At first I didn’t realize the reason, but thought it was just some symptom of the general stress I was under at the time.
I didn’t have time for intimate relationships neither, so there was no one around to tie me up, but one weekend I resorted to locking myself up in cuffs. I wasn’t new to it, having done quite a bit of tying myself up when I was in my teens and exploring my sexuality, but this time it really clicked and I felt so much better and more at ease afterwards that I understood that it was something important I had rationalized out of my life.
I still didn’t really have time to indulge in tying myself up though, but decided to do with that as with everything else, schedule it. It took some time and a few mistakes before I found something that worked for me, taking into account that my life was actually still a bit more than tying myself up and blogging about my experiences from it. Originally, I set the ambition for the blogging way too high, and I could spend many hours writing about a session that only lasted an hour or two. When it started to become almost pure stress for me, I ended up giving up both the tying up and the blogging.
I soon felt how I started to get worse again, depression knocking on my door, from the absence of being tied up, so I again tried to find a working schedule for it. One thing was I decided to reserve time for it, but only actually perform when I was in the mood, and also set a time limit for how much time I was permitted to spend writing about it, so I didn’t end up with a session ending 10 PM and then sitting writing a report about it until 3 AM, having to get up 6 AM to prepare for work the next day.
The volunteer bit soon proved to be a problem, since I tended to again skip my sessions, not for lack of lust but for stress of needing the reserved time for other things. I found a way to balance that though, starting to write short reviews on tied up art the night before the scheduled sessions. This usually caused me to have pretty wild and arousing dreams about the theme during the night, so in the morning of session day, I simply was too hot to skip the session, even when I believed I needed the time better for other things.
So far, this seems to work for me. Sunday and Wednesday evenings, I write my art reviews. Monday and Thursday mornings, at least, I wake up wet and hot from horny dreams, longing for my after-work self-tie session, hoping for it to become long and hard. Afterwards, in the evening, I write a short report, using templates and quite a bit of copy and paste to keep myself in line and within my decided time frame for writing, so unfortunately, it’s usually not very novelistic or sexy. Saturdays, I used to do more elaborate self-tie sessions, having a day off on Sunday so most marks would fade before needing to show up and off at work Monday.
The last few months, Saturdays have become a bit more unscheduled, sometimes with no play at all, sometimes with testing new ideas or toys but no real session, and sometimes with play involving others. The latter is quite a thrill, even if I still have mixed emotions about it. But even if I’m hesitant about it beforehand, I’ve so far never regretted it afterwards. I don’t do the arrangements myself, but have some trusted friends that either lends a helping hand, or handpick “handlers” they trust to do it. I’ve usually set myself up someplace as instructed, and anonymized myself in a full hood with blindfold then, so I can’t see who comes and play with me, and they can’t see who I am neither.
To some, this may sound like a both crazy and dangerous arrangement, but my friends know experienced and reliable people in the local BDSM community, and so far they have never failed me in their picks. To me, it is relaxing not to have to care about everything around the play with relationships and complications, but just go with the flow and try to accept and endure whatever is coming. At present, it suits me fine just being a helpless toy for the moment, and from feedback I’ve had, the handlers seem satisfied as well, and some have even asked my friends if they could play with me again. I know I wouldn’t mind being at the mercy of at least some of them again. I’ll see how things develop in the future.